We have tracks and the OTB, there are also lots of easy-to-locate poker games that are semi-legal. If I genuinely believed he was in danger, this would be insulting beyond words. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. He is not being reasonable or rational, so dont even try to engage with him as if he is. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. Its natural to want to care for your partner. Next time, instead ofgoing ontrips together, try eating out orgoing for apicnic. I went for the first time over the summer. So its not like its all new. And hes trying to sabotage your livelihood with his nonsense? If hes of the mind that the husband should be the breadwinner then it sounds like insecurity about his own career. I think it was just awkward phrasing and the intent of the update meant his friends objected to the very idea of letting their spouse go to Vegas. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. He even did it the one time I was staying *in a convent*. She should go and she should make therapy a minimal condition of continuing the marriage. My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. If your husband wont go to counseling, go alone. The husband may need counselling to discover why he willing to sabotage the family bread winner. Ultimately I did choose my career over my marriage and now Im in the the middle of a divorce because of it. Sorry, Im a nope here. I also suffer from anxiety that could be debilitating, if I allowed it to be. Adifficult orstressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. It is not normal or rational. Her husband is a lovely person in general, but comes from a family that cares very much about keeping up appearances. Sometimes its hard to realize that the smaller part of an issue youre focusing on is actually part of something bigger, and you need someone else to alert you to that. They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. That is not rational and that is not how business or marriages work. Kids are the most common reason for this sort of thing, but other caretaking responsibilities can also lead to spouses being very accountable to each other for their whereabouts. Las Vegas is not my favorite place ever because I dont love big crowds or gambling, but its just a city. Your level of trust in him. I can fold laundry and watch chick flicks and read novels in the tub after the kids go to bed, He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go.. At work? Talk about what services you provide. Look at it again. should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. So, considering that this issue really could be either one, I suppose its no wonder were seeing a lot of both here and it feels like they arecompeting? sienna plantation inventory homes; masters in international law and diplomacy; is daffodil water poisonous; Ive been to very big conferences in cities that cant really handle them, and its obnoxious to have to wait in line for 30 minutes to get coffee or make a hotel room reservation months and months in advance. The Sin City stuff is absolutely the product of creating a specific image through decades of marketing, not necessarily a real reflection of what its like. I bet youll have a blast. Well, this might seem like an obvious question, but have you told him that you need him to stop talking to you about this? And Hunter Thompson and Oscar Acosta are dead anyway. Caveat: I dont think scheduled calls ALONE will solve OPs issue. Its also an irrational state of fear and I think people forget what that means. Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party. Perhaps its Vegass advertising being really effective with him, or perhaps its something larger. He should not be demanding that you refuse to go on a business trip and unleashing all of this unfounded anxiety on you. It was, instead, his own insecurity and abusive tendencies. And LWs husband doesnt get to veto business trips, either. The smoke. Oh man, the broken-glass-on-the-kitchen-floor-for-a-month dude! We arent gamblers either. But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. The following photos show exactly what can go wrong when you try to take a family photo. Your friend is a wise woman. We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. I just knew I was so unhappy and was starting to hate myself (but that was me! I find her a little insane in terms of worrying. If I had succeeded in keeping my mom from ever leaving the house, I would have started obsessing about the iron falling off the board and burning the house down, or everything flooding, or, or, or. I had no problem with it. I just caught that you were the main provider in your home. Something tells me that his unofficial polling of his friends went something like this: Husband: Oh my god, can you believe the irresponsible way in which my wifes employer is taking them on a conference to Vegas. He told me one day that the previous weekend, a few months before the upcoming wedding, his fiance broke up with him while they were sitting on the couch watching TV. And the issue was never me, or our marriage or anything like that, it was entirely a him problem, his anxiety and fear due to an accident we had Christmas eve one year. However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. < accurate. My mom is convinced that as soon as the sun goes down, everyone is a drunk driver. We had screaming matches over girls night out or any activity that might throw me in the path of men. If anything those are probably among the safer places in the country. Havent read the comments to see if this is talked about yet, but I feel like religion has a play here I can see uber conservative religions having more problems with this situation than anything else. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. Once I was done baby would go back into his seat until the next time. The place is set up for meetings and conferences, has so many airline and flight options, plenty of cabs/Lyfts/Ubers, and staff at the facilities has run into every possible issue that can crop up. seem much more based on portrayals in television/movies rather than reality. But yes, OP, this does smell of jealousy. Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. This feels partly like a reputation versus reality thing, like New York City a decade or so back, when I kept telling people to stop worrying about crime when they were planning a visit to the safest large city in the country. I cordially dislike Vegas. Unless hes got super-deep anxiety, how do you just kind of throw out but you might CHEAT on me if you go to Sin City!! I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). Yes, you can absolutely get yourself in serious trouble in Vegas but you can also have the most dull weekend imaginable. If someone tells my son, I am a thief, or. Sure within reason. A room like that in any other city would cost 3 or 4 times that. OP, go on the trip. We went off the beaten track and it was just like any other city. Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. We went to the Grand Canyon, went ziplining in the mountains and had a great without ever stepping in a casino. Sorry not sorry. Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. I really dont like the taste of alcohol. I used to travel 3 weeks out of the month from Wed-Sun for work and often traveled by myself to large cities as well as smaller locations and never felt unsafe. All rights reserved. Plenty to do in Vegas besides gambling and shows! Exactly. I agree. Yeah, I saw that. Therapy, now, for both of you so that you can discuss this issue, and potentially solo therapy for him to address his issues. And actually, trips apart are GOOD for our relationship, we miss each other like crazy after the first two days and it strengthens our bonds (and snuggles) when were reunited. I would idd consider flying. In addition to marriage counseling, he or both may want to consider individual counseling as well. Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. But don't worry, Daisy. The whole phrase what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas bothers him. Working Wife, I truly dont know what your marriage is. Theyre both really worst-case-scenarios and things that happen *to* the OP. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. Agreed! We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? The number of dudes who felt the need to tell me how unsafe my backpacking around Europe with my best friend was was pretty high. But in that case Anxious Controlling Husband would worry the OP would leave him for a donkey, Nothing like a donkey show joke to class up a comment thread. Chances are the same thing would have happened in New York or San Francisco or wherever. Its in Las Vegass best interests to keep visitors safe. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. This is a really, really big deal. Exactly. Its often fine to bring spouses on work trips, but I definitely think she shouldnt bring him in this situation. My grandmother pays for the trip. This was not such a culture. Like, do you think he really did take an opinion poll? I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. 6. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. (And hes questioning the motives of the company in having the trip in the first place? Is he OK generally and just bad about work trips? Thats not how this works!! I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. Might need to go back. I might include a warning when I announce the event though thats like, even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism or whatever. It was BAD. The weather sucks in Vegas. I bet youll have fun. Is this the only thing he gets so on-edge about? New Message From: MayaSubject: Iwent home after overhearing myhusband and his mom saying they didnt want metobeapart ofthe family vacation.Every year, myhusband goes onafamily vacation. Your feigned hysteria of all caps and multiple exclamation points comes across like a rude caricature of people you disagree with. I trusted him, he was fine. I usually find that veiled anxiety/fear of minorities is at the root of cities are dangerous and scary and you must never go out after dark fears, but rarely is it veiled so thinly. My colleagues travel all over the world, sometimes to places in great upheaval where they have to have military escorts. If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. And that now his family isdisappointed inme. Hah. Being worried about my safety seemed a bit off since I was being chauffered around with a group of his female relatives. A therapist will be of substantial benefit to OP in uncovering these typically subconcious assumptions and patterns, and mindfully challenging them and acquiring a different and more equitable relationship with her husband. Just dont pack up and leave while theyre out of town and not even leave a note. He got anxious when I went to San Diego only because it was near the Mexican border, but gee whiz. Nobody ever said I wont let you go on that trip, but it certainly wouldnt have ended well if they had. Theres a third option: Insist on marriage counseling with your husband. Its really hard to say without getting into his mind. I would probably choose being single over him. If he balks or outright refuses, then that might be a signal that theyre in abusive territory and LW should consider solo counseling to decide how best to handle it. (No, actually, a real list.) Good luck to you in standing firm. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. That leads me to believe his concerns are less altruistic. I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple. by Alison Green on September 27, 2017. Hello thanks for the comment but I do work I manage over 400 rental properties and Im a professional gardener for a estate. -03-2022, 0 Comments We split it into 3 traveling days both directions so it would be 6 hours and we are estimating 8 hour days, but know it could be longer. Disordered anxiety changes shape to fit inside whatever container is available, which might be infidelity or kidnapping or alien abduction. I might also take your friends statement a step further, and point out that hes the one making your marriage adversarial. I agree. I admit I am one of the omg WHAT commenters. Conflict resolution. Youre working 10 to 12 hours a day on the show floor or out at dinners with vendors and clients. And then he needs to communicate that to his wife in a way that proves he understands its not his place to restrict her behaviour based on his irrational fears. So theyre officially still working there. I came to say the same thing. A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. my brain had done, we laughed), but absolutely had that reaction. Right now hes in Alaska shooting a documentary. AP, this is just a wonderful post. This captures so much of what anxiety sufferers like my wife go through and what spouses like myself have to find a way to work through with their partner. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. We live a block away from a grocery store. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. Because this thing where he insults the moral character of his beloved wife based on the fact that she needs to travel for work? I only wanted to get someplace, anyplace, without slot machines. In fact, were taking separate vacations this year not to Vegas, but we each wanted something completely different, so were going at different times to different parts of the world. Well there it is. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. Just recently I have found out I will be sent out again. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Absolutely OP should seek out couples counseling, but if the husbands concerns are a reflection or enhancement of their religion or culture, just be really careful in vetting the counselor/therapist they choose to work with. There are also lots of cool little museums as well. Im also a Chicagoan with an irrational former fiance. We did it almost two weeks ago and it took about 14 hours, and now we're headed home. Does he not control other things about your life OP? If you're able to, I would think about flying. It could be an extreme level of anxiety manifesting as control (I cant measure up/if you go away somewhere glamorous youll realize I suck), especially if hes not otherwise doing anything questionable. If all he has to go off of are the stereotypes in movies and advertising then I can definitely see how it would be easy for him to be a combination of jealous and insecure. And I recognize that this is 100% My Problem and I need to adapt my behaviour to deal with it. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). This is control issues and fear and jealousy and toxic masculinity, not a thing that needs compromising on or a relationship issue. But we should really just be taking OPs word for it that the issue she outlined is the issue there is. Did you see the memo that was going around from Travis Kalanik of Uber (shortly before he was forced out)? You have to have the autonomy in your relationship to perform the required duties of your job; its not like youre going to shaking it on top of a table at the Cosmopolitan. Counseling perhaps. I can tell you thisd be a divorce-level issue if I did it with my wife. If you think a situation sounds abusive, please dont recommend couples therapy. A little bit, mostly to servers who thought I might be lonely and often came over to chat while I was having dinner. Access to prostitutes, drugs, extramarital affairs, and excessive drinking and shenanigans is available pretty much in every town and city. Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. I belong to a profession that has an annual convention in Las Vegas. Maybe his friends dont work either and are supported by their wives. I had to go to Vegas once a year for a few days at my last job and I hated it. My own partner has no issue with me going out of state for geek conventions a couple times a year, with people Ive known longer than him, sometimes sharing mixed-gender rooms. But they definitely need marriage counseling.

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